As of late, I have been slacking in my morning prayer. It’s a hit or miss endeavor. Is it because of the kids, or sleepiness, or pure laziness? Yes.
My morning goes a little something like this:
6:45 am : kids wake up. Husband gets them out of bed. Every morning I want to get out of bed and get them, but my anxiety makes me ultra sleepy in the morning. It’s hard to get going within the first hour of waking. I’ve checked my thyroid – dr says its fine; so all I can assume is that it’s linked to the anxiety/hormones. Though this sounds like an excuse – its not. A real struggle not laziness. And blessed be my husband for his support in this small act of great love for me.
7:00 am : kids come into the bedroom and play and scream and giggle and kindly demand waffles & bananas for breakfast.
7:15 am : kids eat. I stand dazed in the kitchen, microwaving day old coffee from the machine. I’ll forget about it for about 30 minutes until I think where’s the coffee?
7:16 am : sit down in my green glider by the fireplace, scroll Facebook & Insta; see what the other mom-friends are up to today. Ask myself why I’m always so tired in the morning? Contemplate getting up to brush my teeth.
7:45 am: where’s my coffee…? …reheat in the microwave…
8:00 am : kids finish up breakfast and start playing cars or chase in the house. dang it! I’ve left my coffee again. …reheat in the microwave x3……
The more-holier-mom-than-I would say “There! Right there! 7:16!! Do your prayers, girl! Yes. Yes I should be doing my prayers. That is the perfect time. Kids are occupied. I have a moment of “silence” and shouldn’t be spending that time on the internet.”
I should be praying. I should be saying my rosary. I should be doing that novena. I should be. I should be. I should be.
I think as a mom there is so much pressure to be perfect. As a striving catholic, its compounded. #winning. As a mother, I’m expected to take care of kids – keep them not only alive through food, shelter, and clothing, but make sure their sandwiches are Pinterest perfect and activities always perfectly curated. As a member of society, I’m expected to shower daily, have makeup on point, and a well thought out outfit that actually coordinates. As a catholic, many expect me to be in a constant state of prayer and able to always commit & follow through on multi-day prayer formats. Or even complete a full rosary in one sitting.
But I think I’ll say that that’s shit. All I hear in my head as I write that is guilt guilt guilt. Do more. Be more.
But He says BE STILL. ps. 46:10
He says REST. ps. 62:5; matt 11:28; ex 33:14
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. – Ps 127:2
I’m not saying skip morning prayer. Not purposefully. But I want to not beat myself up over it either. By me not praying perfectly everyday, all day, it doesn’t make me a bad catholic, bad person, or bad mom. It’s ok to have a moment to ourselves with day old cold coffee, before the madness officially starts.
Because if we do it right, being a mother is a vocation in of it self. Our vocation is supposed to be our prayer.
I understood that love comprises all vocations – that love is everything, and because it is eternal, embraces all times and places. – St. Therese of Lisieux
Don’t have mom-guilt. Self deprecation is not from Our God. Have mercy on yourself. Love your neighbor AS YOUR SELF. Because only when we love our self can we truly love our husband or kids or family … or neighbor. If we love, that is the greater part.